Love is still the strongest force on Earth

Every time I read her Facebook posts, I get angry.  I shake my head and wonder how she could see the world so differently than I do.

We met several years ago, when my kids and I were part of a homeschool co-op. I instantly  liked this woman because she always seemed so real and authentically herself.  She was warmhearted, kind and maybe the teeniest bit rebellious in some ways...I tend to like that in a person. 

Today I know her as the person on my Facebook feed who boldly shares things I fully disagree with.  She voted for the candidate I didn't, seems to believe every conspiracy theory out there, and she makes and sells masks made of mesh, marketed to people who aim to "comply" with mask mandates with a metaphorical middle finger in the air.  I can feel my anger rising up even as I type this!  It's enough to make me want to un-friend, un-follow and un-like her permanently.   I'm guessing you have felt this way too?

While I think that response is very appropriate in some cases, I've chosen to keep her on my feed because I honestly want to know how people with varying viewpoints are feeling about our current situations.   

And in her case, I just can't forget how much I like her, because she is still the same person she was a few years ago, and so much of what I liked about her then I think I'd still like about her today.  Thinking this way helps me not "other-ize" her or think about her as my adversary.

Recently, I read about another woman who made it her practice to mentally label people as "sister, mother, brother, etc." as she walked by them on the street to help her remember that all these people are a part of humanity.  

And by that fact, a part of her.  I love this idea. 

The truth is, we belong to each other, and if we can tap into the deep current of our common need to love, be loved, and belong, maybe we can also calm  this storm that's inside every one of us right now.  

"Deep calls out to deep," is a line from a song I used to sing, which makes me think of how the deep places in each of us can connect to the deepest levels of others when we let love humbly lead us there.  The deep places in us have the potential to connect the commonalities between each of us, my friend and I included, and can work to draw us together in love instead of stomping away in anger…away from judgement of beliefs, and toward compassion about why someone could feel like they do.

The Enneagram has been the most valuable tool I've ever used to grow in my understanding of how others see. The truth is, we are all motivated so strongly by what we want and what we are most fearful of, and these things are what determine how we behave!  This knowledge has helped me access a current of love and compassion for how another's ego (like my own) wants to protect them from the things they find scary in life.  Ideally, this tool will awaken curiosity and ultimately, empathy in us.  

It makes me wonder...what if gaining understanding became more important to me than needing to change other peoples' minds?  What if a change in my own heart could lead me to interact with them differently? 

Today, I plan to reach out to my friend and show her some kindness,  because I want my love to lead to my action.  It'll be my own little deposit into the current that I hope will grow.  

It helps me to remember that we are all in process, and we are all on a unique journey through this crazy world.  It's messy and confusing and feels like there are opportunities to hate people unlike us at every turn.  It’s hard.

Regardless, I have to believe that love, compassion and understanding are the strong forces that our humility can unleash if we are only willing.